"You never come back, not all the way. Always, there is an odd distance between you and the people you love and the people you meet, a barrier, thin as the glass of a mirror. You never come all the way out of the mirror; you stand, for the rest of your life, with one foot in this world and one in another, where everything is upside down and backward and sad."
So I just finished reading Wasted and it was absolutely amazing! The quote above was my favorite quote in the entire book, I feel like she's describing my life in that quote because that's 100% the way I feel about my life. I'm starting a fast as of 7pm last night and I will stick to it! I need to drop 10lbs and quick! I also cut the word fat into my arm to motivate me.
Does anyone know of any other books about eating disorders that they've read and really liked? Cause I'd like to pick up some more books soon but I don't know what's good?
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Failure
i can not seem to stick to a god damn fast for the life of me and it's driving me up a wall!!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Madness
So my fast wasn't so successful but its okay cause I didn't really eat much anyways, just a little bit here and there and I've dropped 4lbs so i'm happy with that!
So i'm reading this book called "Madness" by the women who wrote "Wasted" and omg! It's amazing! It's all about her struggle with bipolar disorder..which I have so maybe that makes it more interesting for me idk..has anyone else read it? I absolutely despise reading but I just can't seem to put this book down..if you haven't read it then I highly suggest you do..it's so relate able that its scary haha.
Tomorrow night or actually tonight..I'm supposed to go into the city for one of my boys birthdays. We're taking a huge party bus and going to some super sick club..I'm so excited! It should be a good time except for the fact that my ex and his new ugly ass girlfriend are coming as well..grrr!
Anyway.. I really just wanted to post to tell all of you about the book so I guess I'll write some more later on! xoxo take care girls!
So i'm reading this book called "Madness" by the women who wrote "Wasted" and omg! It's amazing! It's all about her struggle with bipolar disorder..which I have so maybe that makes it more interesting for me idk..has anyone else read it? I absolutely despise reading but I just can't seem to put this book down..if you haven't read it then I highly suggest you do..it's so relate able that its scary haha.
Tomorrow night or actually tonight..I'm supposed to go into the city for one of my boys birthdays. We're taking a huge party bus and going to some super sick club..I'm so excited! It should be a good time except for the fact that my ex and his new ugly ass girlfriend are coming as well..grrr!
Anyway.. I really just wanted to post to tell all of you about the book so I guess I'll write some more later on! xoxo take care girls!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
You remind me of the times when I knew who I was..
I feel so broken. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the only boy I ever loved was killed in a car accident nearly three years ago and no matter how hard I try to put it behind me I can't. Today I was at his mom's with my brother and some friends helping her move new furniture into her apartment and she gave me this beautiful silver bracelet with his name in script on it. I love it but of course it made me ball like a baby. I wanna wear it all the time but my friends will judge me..they think I should be over it by now and I just don't know how to explain to them what it feels like to lose someone that close to you..he was my everything and in an instant he was taken from me..no goodbyes, no more seeing him, no more talking to him, nothing..he was just gone. I don't know if any of you girls have lost someone like that in your lives but it's like..you never ever "get over it" you simply learn how to deal with it.
Anyway, I've been fasting today and I've been doing pretty well. I'm gunna try and go to bed early so that I'm not tempted by anything any longer than necessary. I'm also not weighing myself until the end of my fast in three days so that it will seem like a much more dramatic weight loss.
I hope everyone is doing well today! xoxo
Anyway, I've been fasting today and I've been doing pretty well. I'm gunna try and go to bed early so that I'm not tempted by anything any longer than necessary. I'm also not weighing myself until the end of my fast in three days so that it will seem like a much more dramatic weight loss.
I hope everyone is doing well today! xoxo
Monday, January 5, 2009
Lonely
"Smiling through denial, my specialty. I thought it was a good thing for awhile."
Those song lyrics perfectly define my life. I act as though everything is perfect in my world and my friends believe it. I've learned how to bullshit my way through almost any situation imaginable. Does anyone else feel like that? I mean, I tried to kill myself and was sent to the loony bin for a week because of it and I was able to just tell my friends that I was away up at my cousins in New Hampshire for the week and they all believed me. And when I came home with slices through my arms, they asked what happened and I just told them that my puppy did it to me. Really?! Come on now..my dog would have to be kujo to do that to me. They're either complete idiots or they don't care enough to try and figure out the truth. I've been feeling really lonely lately, I wish there was someone I could open up to about all this in my real life but there isn't. Anyway..my eating has been really good lately up until today that is. I binged so hardcore on donuts..I had 4 powdered donuts and now I feel like a fat blimp! I hate it!!! I'm trying to fast really bad..I started at 12pm and wanna try to go for three days but I've never made it past two. Does anyone have any tips or tricks that might help me to get through the three days? I'd reallllly appreciate it! Anyway I'm off to babysit..maybe I'll update later on. xoxox!
Those song lyrics perfectly define my life. I act as though everything is perfect in my world and my friends believe it. I've learned how to bullshit my way through almost any situation imaginable. Does anyone else feel like that? I mean, I tried to kill myself and was sent to the loony bin for a week because of it and I was able to just tell my friends that I was away up at my cousins in New Hampshire for the week and they all believed me. And when I came home with slices through my arms, they asked what happened and I just told them that my puppy did it to me. Really?! Come on now..my dog would have to be kujo to do that to me. They're either complete idiots or they don't care enough to try and figure out the truth. I've been feeling really lonely lately, I wish there was someone I could open up to about all this in my real life but there isn't. Anyway..my eating has been really good lately up until today that is. I binged so hardcore on donuts..I had 4 powdered donuts and now I feel like a fat blimp! I hate it!!! I'm trying to fast really bad..I started at 12pm and wanna try to go for three days but I've never made it past two. Does anyone have any tips or tricks that might help me to get through the three days? I'd reallllly appreciate it! Anyway I'm off to babysit..maybe I'll update later on. xoxox!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
2009
So I'm sitting in my closet on my computer (yeah it's in my closet..idk I'm weird..i like the solitude of it) and I'm thinking a lot about life lately. I've really taken most of my life for granted and I don't wanna do that anymore. On new years eve I was just looking around at all my friends just thinking how blessed I was to have more than a handful of people in my life that I could count on for anything and that I truly love. This year I want to actually LIVE and feel completely ALIVE again cause ever since my ex boyfriend was killed I've just been walking around numb from everything and I'm realizing now that I've been missing out of some really great opportunities because of it. And I'm not going to do that anymore.
THANK GOD 2008 is over! It was one of the worst years for me, everything just sucked bad! My mom and dad got separated, I was sent to rehab cause I tried to kill myself, my uncle died and so much more bullshit.
But anyways..they say that the way you spend your new years eve is how you will spend the rest of your year..god I hope that's true!! My nye was amazing! I went to my ex boyfriend's house for his party which prob sounds weird but we're really good friends and we roll with the same crew of kids too. So I went to his house and it was a blast! Like every guy there was hitting on me and I could tell my ex was getting jealous even though he had his girlfriend there but she wasn't aloud to sleep over even though she's 21 years old lol gayyy! So Kyle, my ex kept telling me I should just stay over his house (after his girl left) and I was like "i would but i don't wanna sleep on the futon its so uncomfy" and he said i could sleep in his bed with him and i was kinda like err ok..we didn't hook up or anything but we did wake up all cuddled together..it was cute. I've been fasting since new years eve and I've dropped 6lbs so I'm real excited about that!
I have a few new years resolutions; first is to drop 20lbs and tone my shit up, second is to fall in love again, third is to finally be happy and feel alive again!
What are you girls resolutions? Hopefully everyone had a wonderful holiday! xoxo
THANK GOD 2008 is over! It was one of the worst years for me, everything just sucked bad! My mom and dad got separated, I was sent to rehab cause I tried to kill myself, my uncle died and so much more bullshit.
But anyways..they say that the way you spend your new years eve is how you will spend the rest of your year..god I hope that's true!! My nye was amazing! I went to my ex boyfriend's house for his party which prob sounds weird but we're really good friends and we roll with the same crew of kids too. So I went to his house and it was a blast! Like every guy there was hitting on me and I could tell my ex was getting jealous even though he had his girlfriend there but she wasn't aloud to sleep over even though she's 21 years old lol gayyy! So Kyle, my ex kept telling me I should just stay over his house (after his girl left) and I was like "i would but i don't wanna sleep on the futon its so uncomfy" and he said i could sleep in his bed with him and i was kinda like err ok..we didn't hook up or anything but we did wake up all cuddled together..it was cute. I've been fasting since new years eve and I've dropped 6lbs so I'm real excited about that!
I have a few new years resolutions; first is to drop 20lbs and tone my shit up, second is to fall in love again, third is to finally be happy and feel alive again!
What are you girls resolutions? Hopefully everyone had a wonderful holiday! xoxo
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